la_belle_terre

it is halloween weekend!  and i plan to:

1.  see the walkmen play FOR FREE at brown
2.  glue feathers and things to my face and go to a masquerade party
3.  do the tons and tons and tons of work i have to get done this weekend

a ghost tour just passed by colonial, and it was funny.  "so this guy threw his cigarette but then he just toppled right out of the window!"......

mew!

that was the easiest out there ever was - mutual, quick, and friendly.  hurrah!  oh i like things.

another horrible dream last night - i'm not sure why these keep happening.. a horrible male broke in through my window and raped me even though i hid.  then he said that women are best when shoved onto their faces.  upsetting, to say the least.. there was more but the rest was pretty much congruent with that part.

must. detach. self. no more bad dreams please, they make me nervous.

i had a really horrible dream last night.  it was some holiday where you're supposed to dig up the corpses of everyone you knew who had died and lay them on top of their graves.  there was this big festival where people just drank and drank among all of the bodies.  i remember riding in a bus and seeing bodies all over the place, fully clothed, just laying there in lawns and cemeteries. 

I feel happy to be alive.

I spontaneously went to Boston yesterday (Claire I'm sorry!  I thought of you a lot, but i had like 6 hours).  Saw Theo and Tufts which was really fun, did some T surfing, got some fabulous noodles in Chinatown, and tried bubble tea  - it's disgusting.  We did have fun with the jokes though...."Bronwyn, I'm eating your balls...." and so on.  Hilary's pretty much the greatest.

Walking through Public Garden was just...wonderful.  Claire I thought of you so much, I just felt so thankful to be able to see and smell and experience the day.  baahh! I was just overflowing.

Last night we went to a REALLY GOOD birthday party for James at Brown - no awkwardness, no embarrassment, no bad things at all.  I did blind contours on Jin's arm in pink magic marker, and they thought itwas very art school of me to carry multiple drawing/writing utensils with me. 

Then went to hope street and um....watched football?  yeah I didn't understand it, but that's ok.

Happy day, happy night, the end.

mmm, salty tortilla chips = possibly the best snacking food ever.

today i somehow, by some miracle, have found myself with very little to do.  this is probably because a hefty amount of my work this week is reading, and every time i go somewhere to read i either can't concentrate or it's very cold.  i've been to 15 west to read, the portfolio, the beach, and it was cold.  so now i'm going to eat some chippers, get a sweater, and make my way towards the beautiful library.   problem solved! 

it is a new year, and once again i find myself with anxiety over a boy.  hormones do silly things.

seriously, though, these chips are rockin.

i think the problem is that i haven't grieved.  unfortunately it's not a linear thing. 

bleehhh!!  if you don't like emo entries, BEWARE, because i'm pretty sure this one will annoy you.

bbuuuuut i'm so confused!  i'm so homesick, but i feel like if i had someone here with me it would be ok.  like i can't appreciate things around me without my family.  and i'm lonely but i want to be alone.  i snuck out of 15 west before everyone else just so i could walk home alone, because i miss that.  but then it felt sad because i miss my mom and my dad and my brothers.  

i can't understand what i want.  but i DO know that i'm pumped about making this puppet.  it's a homeless owl. and it's name will be Morty.

I would very much like to go home

this year's looking up so far.  i have a really cool little apartment and i adore my room. 

man, i still have this love/hate thing with risd.  but i think it might not be risd, but growing up and being far away from home in general.  the last week has been great, but tonight that old homesick i-don't-want-to-talk feeling returned.  how does one deal with this? 

it's going to be a good/hard year

today i climbed a mountain with my dad and it was glorious,  and i wish that i could do it every day of my life.

things are going well, work schedule is crazy, but otherwise good.  i've gotten back into running, which feels even better than i remember.

sarah told me that she and james had a debate about whatever the thing was david and i had.  they apparently made a lot of really wrong assumptions about me.  i want to know what they are, but i really don't at the same time.  i guess this is a good thing, because james knows now that all those assumptions are wrong, but it makes me feel jittery.  i don't like it when things like this get brought up again.  i'm not used to it.  it bothers me and i'm not sure why.  maybe because i might have a reason not to hate david?  or james atleast. 

what's this whole resolution thing about, i'm not familiar with it.  usually i just cut them off and wash my hands of it.

mehhh crazy week! today: worked at guglhupf from 7-10:30, work at bombay 12-4 tomorrow: guglhupf 7-11, mulching for anna wilson from 11:30 to whenever, bombay 5-9:30 thursday: mulching all morning, bombay in afternoon friday: guglhupf 6:30 - 1, mulching, maybe bombay if they call me daaahhh! it's so strange how it took me like three jobs to figure out how well guglhupf actually pays. unfortunately i still hate the place and hartmut, but that's all right. for 8 bucks an hour i'll deal:)

sarah is here for the week and i am so so so so so soso happy!!  today we went to the lake and got sunburned and took lots of pictures, then went to cosmic, then saw mrs. howard.  then napped!  and tonight we might go to duke gardens and listen to music until it gets dark/they kick us out (which they won't). 

mmmm.  i love home, however there is a little organism growing in the back of my mind telling me that i'm beginning to miss risd.  this is a nice way to be.

tonight my pop and i went to a bulls game and it was AWESOME.  there was a yankees fan there, which seemed really contradictory to me.  how can you be a yankees fan and a bulls fan at the same time?  also, during the ball game, i got this strange craving for 1). candied pecans and 2). kickboxing.  hmm.  perhaps some kickboxing is in order for tonight/tomorrow.

talking to my dad on the way home, i also fully realized that i really did bring a lot of heartache on myself this year, with the exception of the last one.  i'm resolving not to analyze so much next year (i don't here, but i do there).  it doesn't do  a bit of good.  i'm taking this bronwyn with me when i go back.

crystal and shayne - we are overdue for hanging out...what are you guys' schedules like?

I have been tagged by the lovely Farren to do this seven song thing...so here goes!

1. The Cure - The Same Deep Water as You
2. Common - I Used to love Her
3.  Beck - Send A MEssage to Her
4.  Smashing Pumpkins - Spaceboy
5.  Smashing Pumpkins - Today
6.  Metric - Grow Up and Blow Away
7. Starlight Mints - Pumpkin


hmm...i can't think of anyone who hasn't done this yet....so i tag.....YOON!  and um...Crystal?  no she already was tagged....mmm...I don't know

so the job as a studio assistant is a no-go, because the part time position was from july to november. bah, oh well. blue corn never called, so i've got to call them tomorrow.

ben s., despite the fact that he was an asshole toward me, is now in a relationship, and for some reason that makes me feel shitty. why do things work that way? it suddenly feels quite lonely. if someone like that meets someone, why don't i ever...meh, that's probably not sound reasoning.

maybe tomorrow night the resturaunt will be busy so that i will make some very much-needed money.

just sent my resume in hopes of being considered for a studio assistant job in raleigh. cross your fingers for me, even if it's unlikely i'll get it.

hoorah! so next week i will only be at the resturaunt three nights a week and hopefully four mornings at guglhupf. if all works out, which it looks like it will. relief! it will finally feel like summer!

in other news, i turned into a lobster this past weekend in wilmington, but it is going away. and no peeling, that's so gross.

and now? a RUN, i've missed running so much. then going out to dinner with my fambly. and talking to my darling chelsea on the telephone between 7 and 8:30. yay!

bye 

EDIT:  peelage has occured.  it is gross.